


I'd give up my soul to love you forever

by dreamforlife



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Depressing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-14
Updated: 2013-04-14
Packaged: 2017-12-08 12:31:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/761336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamforlife/pseuds/dreamforlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis doesn't have the strength to tell Harry. But it might just slip out anyway. He wants to love him forever but fate is cruel that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd give up my soul to love you forever

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a sad story and this one really seems to hit home...hope you guys like it.

I'd give my soul to love you forever  
Larry AU

/Louis' POV/  
*flashback*

'LOUIS!'

Harry's furious bellow echoed out over the water as the cackling Doncaster lad sprinted down the corridor towards the kitchen in the holiday home that they had rented. 

'LOUIS I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW...!' Harry left the threat hanging, hoping Louis could imagine the torturous things that he would do when he caught the idiot he called his best friend. 

Louis slipped into the kitchen, tip toeing quietly into the kitchen. Thank God, Harry wasn't--

'Looking for something?'

He cringed. Damn the shortcut to the kitchen from the game room. Damn. 

'Hi Harry,' His sheepish smile did well to hide the raucous laughter building up at the sight of the green eyed boy. 

Speaking of, who was glaring at him. 

Through silky strands of STRAIGHT chocolate hair. 

Louis cracked. 

'Ah...I'm sorry...! You just look--' He fell to the floor, clutching his stomach with both hands. 

Harry's eyes flashed, and not two seconds later, a startled Louis was pinned to the tiled floor. 

'How could you straighten my hair?!'

Still giggling, the older boy blinked innocently up at Harry, 'Well...it wasn't my fault! I mean, your luscious curls were totally calling for it! It was like they were begging me, 'oh Louis, come and straighten us! We don't like being curly!''

The ridiculously high pitched voice had Harry's anger slipping and him collapsing on Louis, struggling against the crippling laughter. 

'Harry you giant elephant, get off!'

'Oh I'm sorry, are you getting crushed by my STRAIGHT HAIR?'

Harry's eyes flashed cheekily as he leant his hands on either side of Louis' head. 

Blue eyes caught green, and Louis felt his heart melting and reforming with that intense look that Harry had on. There were times that Louis could pretend that Harry loved him, times like now when the soft fond look would appear for a few seconds. 

'Lou?'

He blinked, realising that he had been staring at Harry with a dopey smile on his face. 

Blushing, he pushed Harry to the side and scrambled off the floor before he pretty much gave everything away. 

'Um,' Louis scratched his neck awkwardly. 

Harry watched him from his position on the floor, eyes narrowed. 

'Lou...look, what've I done? Every time we so much as touch, you freeze and then freak out. I can't decide whether you're afraid of contact but then again you never had personal space issues so the only thing I can come up with is that you hate me.'

Jaw touching his shoes, Louis gaped at his best friend. Harry thought he hated him?! 

A sardonic laugh bubbled through him, staring out of the window at the ocean. 

'Far from hating you,' He muttered, jaw clenching. 

Harry picked himself up, unravelling his long body. 

'Then why?'

'Nothing's wrong, Harry.'

'Bullshit Louis, you and I both know that's a massive lie. Why aren't you trusting me?'

He snapped. 

Louis spun around, blue fire flashed in his eyes. 

'Look Harry, I know I always tell you everything but there are some things that not even my mum knows. I need to...I need to figure things out.'

PAH, he'd already cracked this nut. He knew he had feelings for his best friend. Maybe this holiday had  
actually made him understand just how much he had fallen for the curly haired emerald eyed Cheshire lad. 

But it was his other secret that made him stall. Because added to that, Louis knew that the pain of saying goodbye would too much. Three months to live and Harry had no idea that he had cancer and the longer he delayed to tell him, the harder it became for him to confess. 

A sharp tug in his stomach told Louis that he should run. 

The hurt in Harry's eyes suddenly hit him, bleeding in behind Louis' eyes, a dull ache throbbing causing his already nauseous brain to make his stomach heave. 

But he opened his arms, he let the younger boy wrap himself around him, warmth encasing them in an intoxicating cocoon. Louis' mind ran wild. 

Days of summer spent at the beach and weeks of winter curled up by the fireplace. Red Popsicles and steaming mugs of cocoa. Wrinkled skin and aged, happy smiles. 

He was almost brought to tears as he realised he could never have that. It was Harry's voice that broke him out of the dream. 

'I'm sorry...' Harry's quiet murmur reached his ears and a small relieved smile was hidden in Harry's hair. 

'It's fine.'

Then he really decided he should let go before his mind decided to run away again or he threw up. 

'I'm gonna go and talk to my mum, been in a few weeks since I've done that...'

He actually did feel a bit guilty that he hadn't called her, given her tendency to frantic worry. 

Louis turned. He didn't see Harry's sad eyes following him down the hall or up the stairs. He didn't hear the small sigh that drifted through the house. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several hours later when he was moping in bed, the door creaked open. A silhouette stood dark against the fading evening light, wet curls in a halo around the head. 

'Lou?'

'Yeah Haz?'

'Can I--'

'Do you even have to ask Harry?'

A sheepish chuckle later, Harry was snuggled into Louis' side. 

They lay in comfortable silence until Harry sighed. 

'What's wrong?' Louis mumbled through a gigantic yawn. 

The mood changed as the younger boy tensed, retracting from Louis. 

Now wide awake, Louis stared at the shadowy shape next to him. 

'Haz?'

'Nothing.' His voice said anything but. 

'C'mon Hazza, what's up?'

A beat of silence, heavy breaths filled the air. 

'You're keeping things from me.'

Louis froze, the hand he had reached out to Harry falling to the bed. 

Harry turned around, eyes accusing and hurt. 

'Why?' The almost broken sigh shattered anything left of Louis' soul that Harry had left untouched. It was like imprinting but a thousand times worse. It was worse than the heat of the sun. 

A slight whimper escaped him as that aching burn shifted from his heart to every cell in his body, wild and bruising. The tumour that was in his right lung seemed to weigh heavily, accusing and smug. 

'I-I...' He stuttered, 'I can't.'

'Why?' Harry repeated, eyes boring into Louis'. 

He could only shake his head, mute. His lungs screeched as he tried to breathe, but it stuck. Body on fire, Louis scrambled to throw the covers off, sitting up with his head in hands. 

'Lou?' 

The concern in Harry's voice did it. 

Tears rolled down his cheeks as heaving sobs wracked his body. 

A startled gasp and Harry's arm wrapped around his waist, the low voice murmuring in his ear. 

'Hey, hey, c'mon now, it's alright...' The uncertainty in Harry's voice shook. 

Louis fell in love a little bit more. 

And the thought itself made his resolve shatter. He had sworn that he'd not tell Harry until it was his time to go. He'd sworn that he wouldn't tell him about how he felt. He'd sworn that it wouldn't be this hard. 

Watching as his determination withered away, Louis took a few deep breaths and willed himself to stop sobbing like a girl. 

Tears still sliding down his cheeks, the older boy slid out of Harry's arms, staggering to the window. 

The moonlight danced over the gentle lapping waves on the surface of the lake, glittering as if hundreds of stars had been suspended beneath the water. 

The jagged breath that he drew in seemed to echo out over the silence of the still night. 

'I-I...' He started, clutching the window sill, 'Harry...I'm sick.'

'Do you want Paracetamol or an Aspirin--Louis?' The younger lad questioned in confusion when his friend laughed. 

The irony of the question was hilarious in Louis' wrecked mind. 

'I wish Paracetamol could fix me, Harry.' 

The whisper rang a million times louder in Harry's ears, leaving him dizzy. 

'What?'

Louis turned then, eyes a dulled electric blue in the pale light, and looked at him with such a heartbroken smile that Harry felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. 

'I've got three months to live.'

That was met with a few moments of absolute silence. As if the entire world had stopped, holding their breath, waiting those agonisingly long minutes until Harry reacted. 

'No...No. Fucking Stop it, Louis. It's not funny alright?' Harry's harsh tone cracked his heart. 

'I wish to God that I was joking right now.'

Tears welled in Louis' eyes as he saw the hard edge disappear from Harry's expression and something break in his eyes. 

He was in front of Louis in a second, hands gripping his shoulders too hard. 

Green eyes poured into blue as Harry towered over him. 

'Please tell me your joking right now, Louis, PLEASE.' His voice wavered, a single tear seeping out of his right eye. 

But Louis shook his head softly, heart thudding against his ribs. 

Next thing he knew, Harry pulled him into a fierce kiss, longing and desperate. Mind reeling, Louis' hands twisted into the fabric of Harry's shirt, kissing back while tears spilled out of his eyes. 

When they finally pulled apart, Louis thought he might die then and there, the way his stomach was flipping and heart was pumping. He could feel it in his lungs as he tried to breathe. 

Harry's eyes were closed as he leant his forehead heavily against Louis', breathing just as ragged as his own. 

'IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou,' Louis chanted, pressing his lips against Harry's cheeks, jaw, nose, eyelids, 'Oh my god, I love you.'

Harry's head snapped up, eyes wide, 'What?'

'I can't keep this secret anymore,' Louis murmured, fingers digging into Harry's chest, silent tears on his cheeks, 'I love you so so much, Harry. Far far more that you'll ever know. By god, I love you.'

Harry's grip on him tightened suddenly, and he tilted his head to look at him. Emerald eyes burned with a fire that seemed to ignite something deep in Louis' bones. 

A light finger traced his jaw before he was pulled back into a searing kiss, hands tugging on clothes and hair, both of them crying openly. 

'I love you,' Harry whispered against his lips, 'Oh god, I love you.' 

Louis tried to push back, to question that but Harry wouldn't let him, keeping his mouth otherwise occupied as if keeping Louis attached to him would save his life. 

'Harry...' Louis mumbled, pulling back slightly, 'We CAN'T.'

'I don't want to lose you!' Harry cried, fisting his hands on the back of Louis' t-shirt. 

'That's why we can't,' Louis whispered, lips pressed to Harry's neck, 'We shouldn't...I shouldn't...you can't...'

Harry suddenly growled, tearing himself away from Louis. 

'Why didn't you tell me?!' He snapped, eyes blazing, 'How long have you known?!'

Louis rubbed his sore eyes, sighing apprehensively, 'Six weeks.' 

'SIX WEEKS?!' Harry's anguished whisper clawed through Louis' heart. 'You knew for six weeks and you didn't tell me?'

'I didn't know how, Harry!' Louis finally exclaimed, tears springing out of his eyes, 'How was I supposed to tell you that I have less than half a year to live? How was I supposed to tell you that there's absolutely no hope because I've stopped responding to treatment? How was I supposed to tell you that I love you but it's in vain because I'm going to be dead in three months?'

Shocked silence met his outburst as he collapsed onto the bed. 

'Stopped responding?' Harry said, voice almost silent. 

Louis just nodded, gazing at the carpet. 

'Who else knows Lou?' 

'Mum. The girls.' Louis mumbled, heart clenching when he remembered the utter despair on his mum's face when she'd been informed. 

'Niall, Liam and Zayn have no idea...were you ever going to tell us?'

He was silent. He hadn't planned on it. 

And his silence was answer enough for Harry. 

'Why Lou? Were you just going to die and then leave a letter or some shit like that?' Bitter, Harry snarled. 

'I'm sorry, Harry, alright?' Louis said, meeting his eyes, 'But please, can we stop talking about this?'

'No! Louis, I don't think you realise that you're going to DIE in three months!'

'Harry...' Louis stood up and walked in front of the curly haired boy, slipping his fingers in between Harry's, 'I brought us on this holiday because I wanted to forget it all. Get away from reality. I want to LIVE before I die. And most of all, I want to love you before I'm gone.'

*flashback over*

The memory brought tears to his eyes as he lay on the white sheets of the hospital bed. 

'Louis?!' Harry's frantic voice clambered through the door before the eighteen year old stumbled in, eyes wild, hair in disarray. 

A tired smile lifted Louis' lips. 

/Harry's POV/

His heart ached at the sight that met his eyes, teeth sinking into his lip. 

'Lou?' Harry whispered, padding to his bedside. 

'Hey.'

The croaky, raspy sound that came out of Louis' mouth was nothing like Harry had ever heard. It was painful, grating and it scratched at the back of his skull. 

Tears welled in his eyes and he blinked hard, but was unable to stop them sliding down his cheeks. 

'Lou...oh my Louis...' Harry's voice shook as he took the thin hand into his own, 'You can't leave me.'

Louis tried to reply, but his voice refused to work. A sad smile flitted across his lips, but at the same time, that old sassy expression appeared for a moment. 

•I love you• He mouthed, feebly lifting Harry's knuckles to his lips. 

His skin tingled as the tenderness of the gesture seeped into his heart. It was so very Louis. 

Harry leaned forward, pressing his lips against Louis', softly, promising forever. But Louis' turned it into something far too like a goodbye, pressing in desperately, wet drops falling onto their lips. 

Harry let go, tears bursting free as Louis fell back against the pillows, his tears glistening in the fluorescent light. 

Suddenly, the heart monitor went crazy and Louis wrenched up off the bed, back arching. 

The door burst open as Harry's panicked yell reached the corridors. 

The grip on his hand tightened briefly and his eyes flicked back to Louis' terrified ones. 

'I'd give up my soul to love you forever,' He whispered, before the hand went slack and Harry's world stopped. 

Louis took his last breath. 

He rushed forward but arms pulled him back, pinning him back as he struggled violently. 

'NO!' His anguished cry brought tears to the eyes of the hospital staff as they watched on, 'LOUIS! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME. PLEASE.'

He deflated, 'Please. I love you.'


End file.
